Fear of Transformation

When the energies of spiritual awakening arise very often so do the energies of fear. Awakened living is supported by the heartfelt release of this fear.

images-4If you are a serious meditator, longing for awakening, you may someday feel odd sensations like the body quivering, or the head spinning, or the brain feeling it is being rewired.  You may have sudden out-of-body sensations, or hear an inner sound or wake in the middle of the night with the body moving into an unfamiliar yogic posture. You may have  inexplicable emotional upheavals that seem out of character, or hear a sudden psychic message or inner voice. You may be confronted by recognizing  the need for major changes in their life.  When you go deeply into inner stillness change happens. And it is not always the quiet strength, stillness and centering that meditation typically offers.

It is in these odd moments when the body feels invaded and out of conscious control that the experiences of transformation becomes real, and the illusion that we can jump out of all of our personal conditioning into a permanent stay of transcendence is shattered. Our body, mind, emotions and spirit are in a process of radical change.

Our bodies are fields of energy — living, changing and vibrating with the life force. Awareness moves through these energy flows connecting us with many experiences.Yogic science describes 72,000 lines of energy in this grid, connected by chakras. The prana or chi in this grid carries thoughts, emotions and sensate experience, and facilitates our movements and responses including breath, coughing, sneezing, blinking, digestion, elimination, the heart pumping and every other condition we experience as living beings. Without energy we are inert and lifeless.

When Kundalini energy activates it unlocks our vital energy at the source and intensifies the experiences we have, as it moves through the body and into the brain, connecting us ultimately with universal energies. What I have seen over the years of listening to many who have awakened kundalini energy is that this is essentially a clearing process, shaking loose old patterns, memories, blockages or knots in our energy field so that the body can become open and present without contraction or habitual reactivity. It makes it possible for a more impersonal quality of presence to impact how we move in the world. It opens new abilities and possibilities.

When people write about negative experiences with kundalini on the web they are describing their own challenges with letting go, either at the physical or emotional level. The “letting go” is trying to facilitate the release of identifications with our body, mind and feelings. Deep unconscious material may arise, or archetypal visions related to the collective unconscious. Kundalini is not dangerous, as some contend, but it is threatening to those unwilling to face the personal work that it demands, and who are not open to the shifting worldview that it generates. It can amplify hidden or suppressed emotions and illnesses so that they will be seen and addressed. It can trigger unfamiliar phenomena. It requires flexibility and integrity if the activation is going to facilitate spiritual realization.

There is a place of deep stillness and presence available when we are not identified with the history and beliefs stored within us, personally and collectively – rather like the deep sleep we have when we are not for the moment aware of our personal self. Awakening is awakening to this consciousness/awareness that is alive in us prior to association with all these attachments. The letting go that comes with awakening is not under our control, but is a deep transformative process that is taking us into this unknown or unremembered realization and it can be very frightening for the little “me”, the holder of a separate sense of unique perspective and history we each collect as human beings.

There are many experiences in this journey to awakened living, and discovering the deeper Self, the Oneness of consciousness shared by all. Some of them are exquisite and expansive and overflowing with love. Some of them feel invasive, out-of-control, disruptive of our lives and self-image. Many of them are unfamiliar and some feel overwhelming. To the extent you can see the fear as energy, a reaction of the little “me” who prefers control and predictability, and release yourself to explore with curiosity and openness, or become willing to just let go and let be whatever is, you will be leaning into a more awakened life and discover wonder and grace in this evolutionary process.

As awakening becomes more stable it does not mean the end of all feelings.  But as we learn acceptance of whatever arises the energies can help the feelings release more smoothly and quickly, because there is no longer a need to hold on to the stories they represent. Awareness notices the feelings with compassion, and holds them in a more broad perspective of the nature of consciousness manifest as humanity. They are just energies moving through, perhaps as a personal release, perhaps for the universal good of the species.

If you need to know more about kundalini please look for “The Kundalini Guide” on Amazon, based on the stories of many experiencers and offering practical advice. You can get on my email list for webinars through http://www.kundaliniguide.com.

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2 thoughts on “Fear of Transformation

  1. I am full of fear! I am so afraid of the unknown and where this is taking me that I am in a constant state of flight or fight. It is exhausting and I cannot let it go.

    • Fear is a great amplifier of energy — it is like sending adrenaline into it. Yet fear is all because of thoughts — and thoughts are just neurons firing. When we have had great difficulties in our history, and especially in our childhood, our thoughts are fueled by old memories and assumptions about ourselves and others. It is very helpful to work with a caring psychotherapist to get past these early wounds. We cannot change what happened in the past but we can identify the strengths that brought us through (and you have many), challenge and
      change the belief patterns that are based on false conclusions, and take one step at a time toward the life we really want. Spiritual awakening is not about destruction but about completion of the past, and bringing light into the future. It is your own energy trying to help you get rewired and quiet, free of the old pain, and capable of living in the wonder of this moment — like bringing new eyes to what is in front of you. Anger and fear is exhausting — to the extent each day you can step beyond it, feel yourself as bigger than these emotions, (even for a few minutes) and find something to be grateful for, you can gradually heal yourself and get out of this painful cycle. Being in nature and just soaking it in, grounding your energy through your feet and into the earth, or leaning against a massive tree — these kinds of things can help. You can use nature as an ally to absorb some of your energy. I believe anyone in this process is being invited to find the way to wholeness and freedom but it can be hard work getting beyond old beliefs and patterns and learning to either reframe how we think, or give up interest in the mind’s interpretation of things. The working mind will still be there even if the conditioned mind takes a back seat and no longer runs your life. There is nothing to be afraid of here. These energies awaken because a person in their deep unconscious is ready to move to a new orientation in life. This has been my experience and I pray you will find your way Kimberly. You deserve a new life.

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